


Intervention

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Explicit Language, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Intervention, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-03-31
Packaged: 2017-12-07 03:29:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/743676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys plan an intervention on Kaoru, his tyranny finally too much for them to let it slide any further.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Intervention

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dklc23](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=dklc23).



> Prompt: Old man intervention for kao 8D The idea is from the comment he made about the other 3 and pretty much all the staff quitting smoking and him claiming he felt he needed to smoke more to make up for the lack of smoke...so like the band has maybe an intervention about him over smoking, partying,...and not getting laid enough so he's getting cranky...so some old man and 'we worry about you in your old age' jokes could kinda sneak in there...and if it comes from Die it would be funny cuz he is barely a year younger than Kao XD For [](http://dklc23.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://dklc23.livejournal.com/)**dklc23**  
>  Beta Readers: gothic_hime  
> Song[s]: "SWEET GOD'S FLAVOR LAND" by Angelo

Die rocked back on his heels, huffing out a little breath as he watched the others file into the room one by one. He still wasn’t entirely sure this was a good idea, but they’d been sort of mocking Kaoru behind his back for the past few months, and frankly, Die was tired of the fact that Kaoru didn’t seem to even remotely notice, much less care what they were talking about.

He glanced up and raised one eyebrow as both Kuroo and Nora entered the room as well. Nora flashed him a look that clearly asked ‘what’ and he shook his head a little, folding his arms across his chest and doing his best to not let his nerves get too worked up.

At long last, Kaoru came in and Kyo stood up, closing the door, leaning back against it, his stance very similar to Die’s own, though a tiny smirk worked its way across his features. Die knew he was only amused because they’d done the same thing to him once, led by Kaoru at the time. He couldn’t say he really blamed Kyo for the way he looked right then, he’d have felt the same way if he’d been in his place.

Kaoru sat down and pulled out his notepad and pen, under the impression they were in a staff meeting.

Die cleared his throat and clasped his hands together in front of himself. “First off, I’d like to say... I’m really glad everyone is here and the amount of... ah... support I see is a good thing. It means people care.” He glanced at Kaoru’s _very_ confused face and then wet his lips, nerves tumbling up inside him. “So... um... Kaoru, you’re the only one who has no idea why we’re really here.”

“Ah hell no,” Kaoru glanced around. “You’re not. You didn’t.” He looked somehow completely forlorn right then, his face falling and his eyes full of concern. “What’d I do?”

Kyo chuckled from the back of the room. “So I see you remember the format, then.”

Kaoru turned to look at Kyo, a slightly peeved-off look on his face. “Do not tell me that it didn’t help you.”

“Oh, I didn’t say that... it certainly did. And we hope this will do the same for you.”

Die cleared his throat. “On topic, guys.” He pushed himself up on the table, his legs dangling over the edge, swinging easily back and forth. “I’ll go first.” With a pointed look in Kaoru’s direction to keep him quiet for the duration, he opened his water bottle and took a sip before closing it and putting it aside. “So... lately, for one, you’ve been a major grumpy-ass. I mean, we get it. Work is stressful. Just as much for us as for you, trust us on that.”

There was a murmur of agreement from the people assembled in the room and Die nodded a little. “We’ve all tried in our own ways to get you to relax or to help you relax and you’re not accepting any of it. And, frankly, we’re tired of being snapped at.”

Kaoru quietly put his pen down and glanced around the room, a sheepish look on his face. “Am I really that bad?” he asked quietly, looking ashamed.

Toshiya spoke up from the corner. “Last night you called me a selfish prick because I wanted to go home three hours _after_ our scheduled time to be with my girl for a dinner I’ve had planned – and you knew about – for over a month now.” He looked up from where he’d been clipping his nails. “So, yes, you are that bad.”

Kaoru winced, glancing at the others, almost waiting on more examples.

Nora spoke up. “It’s been bad since last tour. That’s why I’m here. I happened to be in town and they called me since I was affected by it and I came.” She reached over to squeeze Kaoru’s shoulder. “Boy, we care a hell of a lot about you, but seriously, you need to realize how your mood affects everyone else around you.”

Kaoru nodded a little and glanced at Shinya, who looked maybe the most hurt.

The drummer looked Kaoru square in the eyes. “The smoking has got to stop. It’s too far when you blow it in someone’s face because you don’t like how they wrote a certain part of something.” He looked back down at the table, muttering something that sounded sincerely like ‘asshole’ under his breath.

Die winced a little. “And three packs a day is like epic-level shit, man. Even I wasn’t that bad.” He picked up a small black bag from beside him and shoved it across Kaoru’s table. “E-cigarette and fluid. We’ll step you down in nicotine when we feel like it. But for now, do that. Please.”

Kaoru picked up the bag and pulled out the lovely deep-purple electronic cigarette from inside. He arched an eyebrow and then went through the little bottles of solution, finding some normal ones and some very strange ones inside. He started opening the box. “Okay... thanks.”

Kuroo held out his hand. “Smokes, now.”

Kaoru pulled them from his pocket and tossed them to the roadie, making a small disgruntled sound, but sighing softly as he began to unfold the instructions that came with the e-cigarette.

Kyo finally spoke up from the back of the room again. “And you need to fucking get laid. There’s this trend, you know.” When he was sure he had Kaoru’s attention, the guitarist gaping at him, his eyes wide, he continued. “When you get laid, you get nicer for a while. Like it calms the fucking beast inside you. And when you don’t get sex, we are all miserable as fuck.” He shrugged. “So for the love of god, get some sex.” He jabbed a finger in his direction. “If you don’t get it, I’ll personally find it for you. And you may not like the result of that.”

The guitarist shifted uncomfortably in his chair and looked around. “Okay... I deserve this, I admit it. But... am I really that bad?”

There was a chorus of positive answers from around the room and he winced a little, looking back down at the pamphlet. “Alright, so... I need to smoke this instead and get laid and...?”

“Not be so nasty to us,” came Kuroo’s immediate response. “We’re doing our best, we always do. But sometimes it’s like you expect us to all be miniature versions of you and some of us don’t do nearly as well under stress... and, frankly, you haven’t been holding up so well under it either.”

Die snorted. “Yeah, in your old age, man.”

Kaoru shot Die a look. “You’re one to talk.” He shook his head and looked back at Kuroo, then around at the other people in the room. After a moment, he bowed his head. “Okay, I promise I’ll work on it. And I’m sorry.”

The others seemed to accept this as an answer, each one of them tossing a single letter in front of him, their own personalized complaints and suggestions inside them, something Kyo had suggested given that he’d have felt better with his own if the meeting itself had been faster and the letters more in depth, as they left the room.

Die pushed himself up off the bench and walked past Kaoru, patting him on the shoulder. “You know we all care, right? I mean, we’re not trying to be jerks here, but we needed to get it out rather than bitch behind your back all the time over it.”

Kaoru nodded. “Yeah... I get it. Thanks.”

With a nod, Die slipped out of the room, leaving Kyo and Kaoru behind, shooting the vocalist a warning look as he left.

Kyo just smirked at Die, closing the door behind him and flicking the lock. He moved over to Kaoru’s table and perched his hip on the edge of it, watching the leader put the fluid in the cigarette. “So...”

Kaoru glanced up at him and then back down at what he was doing. “So... what?” he asked in return, looking vaguely amused.

“I’m going to go out on a limb here and just be outright about this. It’s not something I take lightly and it’s not something just off the top of my head. The uh... thought... has been there for a while.” He cleared his throat and stood up, one hand still on the table, fingers flexing a little. “If you need to work off some steam and you can’t find anyone...” he paused for a long few moments, as though he were wrestling with himself as to if he should say this or not, “I’m always around.” And with that he simply walked away, leaving Kaoru gaping at his back, opening the door and slipping out.

The door clanged shut behind him and Kaoru just sat there, the most stunned look on his face as he stared after their vocalist. Of all the things he’d expected from Kyo, it had never been _that_. An amused sort of smirk slid over his features after a few moments and he lifted the e-cig to his lips, taking in a long draw from it and closing his eyes. Okay, so maybe things could look up from here.

 **The End**


End file.
